Republican Crime Blotter

We report, you decide if you're going to trust these guys ever again:

Match the Republican:

1. Randy "Duke" Cunningham

2. Adam Kidan

3. Robert Taft

4. George W. Bush

5. David Safavian

6. Dick Dasen, Snr.

7. Lawrence Franklin

8. Irving Libby

9. Galen Fox

10. Robert Ney

11. Conrad Black

12. Jim West

13. Jack Abramoff

14. Don Sherwood

15. Armstrong Williams

16. Tom Noe

17. James Tobin

18. Robert Greene

19. Tom DeLay

20. Michael Scanlon

To his crime(s):

a. Lying, obstructing a criminal investigation

b. Abusive sexual conduct during airplane flight

c. Accepting bribes

d. Laundering presidential campaign donations

e. Gambling on cockfighting

f. Violation of ethics laws

g. Wire fraud, conspiracy

h. Failure to disclose payment recieved in exchange for broadcasting material

i. Sexual assault

j. Violation of Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act

k. Conspiracy to pass national defense information to people not entitled to receive it.

l. Sexual abuse of children, prostitution and promotion of prostitution

m. Accepting bribes from defense contractors, tax evasion, conspiracy

n. Racketeering, obstruction of justice, wire fraud, money laundering

o. Conspiracy to bribe public officials

p. Obstruction of justice, perjury and making false statements to investigators

q. Money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering

r. Offering government jobs in exchange for sex

s. Wire fraud, bank fraud, fraud fraud, defrauding clients, bribery of public officials, conspiracy to commit bribery, making illegal gifts and campaign contributions, you name it

t. Telephone harrassment

Note: All Republicans are innocent until proven guilty.

Do you think they'll quit bitching about those evil "trial lawyers" after this? They seem to have implemented the Trial Lawyer Full Employment Act of 2006 with their "high moral standards", their "responsibility", and their respect for the "rule of law". If any of these guys get off, they should get down on their hands and knees and kiss the feet of their trial lawyer of choice.